Ouch ouch ouch

I have to be honest about today.
I woke up quite sore and aching.
I sometimes find that the pain is one thing, but what is does to my energy and mood and thinking is a whole other game.
When I am in this state, I fall into a state of just wanting relief.

I started today at school with a lesson with David.
I certainly did feel better as usual after and during this lesson.
David mentioned that with tightness or pain in an area it is important to not let yourself be distracted by the particular area you think the pain is in as most likely the are that needs lengthening is elsewhere.
The best thing to do is the think length in the whole back.

Next we had a group lesson with Jenny.
We continued on from last week and worked on going from a position of all fours to using a chair to get up against the wall. Then doing a whispered ah and also directing our arms outwards along the wall. This really was a monkey against the wall.
I felt this was very good more me.

There was then an opportunity to do something individual due to extra turns.
I took this opportunity to have a turn with Michael.
After a good length of time (approx 20 mins) I felt so much better especially a real sense of calmness and clarity in my mind. There was some deep level massaging going on across my whole body. Very profound.

Lastly we had a performance group session with David.
This was the first time I had a performance session with David.
I must say it was very good indeed.
I was doing some speaking (trying to work on my gasping and rushing and running out of air)
He asked me to lay on my front with a blanket along the middle of my body from my pelvis to my shoulders. This stopped my stomach and chest from moving so much in breathing and almost forced my breath into my back. This was very good as I do tend to hold on especially in my upper back/shoulders area.
I felt some serious releasing in this area.

After school today, I feel totally buggered and quite sore in a deep way.
Although hard to see at the time, I think this week (especially today) has been quite a move forward. Pain like this seems to usually come before some extra release.

I meant to put onto the blog yesterday some simple instruction for the whispered ah that Anne (Anatomy Teacher) gave us. Here they are:
Breath in nose (don't force it in)
Allow jaw to drop open and open mouth
tone the soft pallate (best achieved by thinking of something funny)
While breathing out , think of the whole torso being involved in the activity.
Do this a few times in a row.

Anatomy on breathing and the voice

I am feeling a little more sore this week so far.
I am wondering if maybe last weeks better feeling was due to Michael's (a 3rd year student) work with my eyes.
A lot happened last week so it is a bit hard to know what exactly made the difference.
It could even just be a progression from previous work.

I started with a turn with Ferry.
I tend to get a really nice relaxed feeling with Ferry. He has a way of communicating that I can get. He is direct about what he wants and he is very thorough and conscientious. He sometimes seems quite disappointed when the bell goes off for the end of the turn. Like he is thinking "But I haven't finished yet" I may be wrong.
He managed to ease some of my hurtiness.

Michael again very kindly offered to give me some time with him.
It was only a few minutes but I felt effect immediately.

We then had the rest of the day allocated to Anatomy with Anne.
I forgot to do the homework...oops.
Will hand it in next week.
These are always a fun and very interactive session.
We looked at the how breathing and voice works.
I found this very interesting as I have been diagnosed with Exercise Induced Asthma and I have a strong suspicion that this will clear up in time.
What really stood out to me was just how connected so much of the body is.
It makes a lot of sense how tension is one place effect the whole body.

An interesting chapter today

Tuesday is of course book day.
Today we discussed "medical diagnosis and training" out of "The Use of the self"
Although I found the reading itself a little tough, I found the discussion quite interesting.

I started with a turn with Margaret. Another really lovely teacher. (Picking up a theme here :) )
She had had a lesson or two from Peter Grunwald in the past
www.eyebody.com
so she had some interesting thoughts to share about eyes and the body.
I started today feeling a bit hurty but within 15 mins of semi-supine downstairs and then just a few minutes of a turn with Margaret I felt a lot better. I think I may have reached a new higher point.
Very exciting.

We then had a group session with Margaret.
We looked at observation. We observed each other bed down from a chair to pick up a book from the ground. I had done this before but it was very interesting to see habits of others and also myself.
We then some monkey and hands on back of chair.
I had a totally new experience while doing this!
It was great, I was able to do monkey without the previous work I had to do with my legs.
I must say, I find doing monkey hard work, but I think very much worth it.

We then went to the park down the road with David to do the book group.
What an excellent setting! and great weather, and a great idea David. I think we all felt happier being in the sun. I know I did.

We then continued on with a group session with David in the park.
We looked at walking and then some running.
We all watched each other walk to begin with and offered ideas of what habits we saw.
It was interesting.
Then we saw the difference after David put hands on.

Some simple things

My turn today was with Marigold.
She is a really friendly and animated teacher, personally I think she is just great. ( I am starting to think this way about all of the teachers, they all just have their own way and style, which I am beginning to really appreciate)
It is a real credit to David and Jenny, the schools directors to attract such a diverse and dynamic group of teachers to the school.

In my turn we looked at how the legs are connected to the lower back via the Psoas muscle and how by extending the direction to higher in the back this can release this area better.
Also the head is connected to the upper back so again extending this direction can help with further release.
We also kept on working with keeping my eyes aware.
Marigold also uses a lot of direct touch to wake up the area we are working on, I find this helpful.

I then happily accepted an offer to be a "student " for Anne a third year student while Jenny a teacher helped her.
I found this very interesting.
I definitely noticed that when Anne simply thought her directions and just touched me (not moved me at all) my body responded quite powerfully to move away from my old pattern and towards a mouch more comfortable pattern.
I was very valuable to hear the advice that Jenny had for Anne.

We then had a group session with Jenny where mainly first year students and one student who had come for just this week, looked at drinking from a mug or bottle and eating.
This was interesting to notice something we all do very regularly, is an opportunity to cause tension or not in our bodies.
Jenny then simply asked us to to sit down and direct our fingers and thumbs down our legs.
This seemed to provide a sense of support for our whole bodies. I found it very good.

Lastly we had a yoga session with Marigold and some other teachers.
We some very new things.
lying on our back, we lifted our arms and our legs in different ways to create new pathways for our bodies to build on.
I found this quite empowering and also quite tiring.
Man I was sleepy when I got home today.

Got my reading finished tonight.

I wanted to post a couple of links to this blog for anyone interested.

Firstly the School of FM Alexander Studies, where I am studying.

http://www.alexanderschool.edu.au/

Secondly the site for Body Chance Australia.
This is the Australian site for Jeremy Chance's plan to start a Sydney Training School.
He is running some introductory workshops which anyone is welcome.

http://www.bodychance.com.au/

Interesting experiences with eyes

I have been continuing to experiment with visualising my eyes, softening and the eyeballs expanding. I have also been thinking about my cornea opening up and expanding and the back of my eye also softening and expanding.
It has been having some releasing effects on my whole body.

What a week

Today was performance day.
Started with a turn with David.
We worked again with chair work and really worked on solidifying the discoveries on the week.
Had some success in inhibiting the tightening in my middle back.
This is still new to me but I do feel like I am starting to get it.
David did share some interesting thoughts.
He said that it is impossible to be able to feel directly the effect of freedom in the top of the neck. You can of course feel the resultant effect in the rest of the body.
Also he said it is not really necessary to be too specific in trying to work out where this area is. Just a general thought of this area is enough for it to work. This was helpful.
Also he said inhibition in his view is more of a general thought not really a direct thought.
So it is better to think more of "I will inhibit my old habit" rather than "I will inhibit my back from tightening"
I think I do recall hearing or reading something to the contrary of this but it is still interesting to hear his view.
I mentioned that I thought my tightening in the middle back came before the pulling back of my shoulders etc and whether it might be a good idea to focus on this and then this will stop the pattern. He mentioned that it is better to think about addressing the whole pattern rather than a particular part of it.

Next we did a group session where we worked on our hands and knees and keeping the neck free. I must admit I was getting quite tired by this time of the day so don't recall too much from this.

In the performance session I worked on practicing reading without gasping and allowing pauses.
I felt I did ok.

I was really pleased with this week. I felt ok, but I was very tired today.
Find out about job tomorrow (hopefully)
I went for a 20 min walk today also.

A busy day with another big realisation.

Today would normally be Anatomy day but this was an exception.
While I was waiting for my turn , Michael very kindly offered to give me some time to do some table work with me.
I definitely felt some things were happening at a deep level. He seems to be very gifted.
I then had my proper turn, and it happened to be with David again.

We did some chair work, getting into and out of a chair.
I found that I was very early on in the getting out of the chair process doing a grab with my middle back. It was very good to become aware of this.
I also was doing it, just at the last part of getting into the chair.

We then had a group session with Bronwyn, a qualified teacher whom I really enjoy working with. We did something very simple and very important, breathing.
There is so much habits around breathing, and this is a great opportunity to practice especially inhibition. Breathing will actually happen by itself if we let it. I found that I do a lot of holding and doing in breathing. We discussed how the breathing mechanism is very much connected to the back also.

We then did a group session with David, where we experimented with simply lifting the arm in the air. It was really interesting to notice the difference between doing it with and without direction. So much freer and more height could be gained if we kept the spine open with directing.
I am beginning to really notice my directions working.

I then had a mini turn with Penelope.
She made me aware of my strong tendancy to gasp for air just before I came to speak.
We worked on simply waiting for the in breath to occur before speaking.
This was also very interesting for me especially as most of my professional life to date has been in call centres where I am speaking all day every day.

We then had a third group session , this time with Ria (who is just a lovely , soft and patient teacher). We experimented with exploring developmental movements that children would do from their stomach to move forward. We noticed how we could do so much with our bodies without having to shorten our posture at all.

I had my last job interview with my potential part-time job today.
I think it went well, I will find out on Friday. Fingers crossed.

It was a full day today.

Visit from moderator and a new discovery

I have been further experimenting with the yoga postures and I am pleased to say that they certainly did take the edge off this morning after I woke up with my familiar tightness and pain.

Today was book day. We read "Stupidity in Living", Chapter from Universal Constant in Living.
I have discovered again it is just too hard to do the reading the night before, I am just too tired and Mr FM is just not the sort of Author you can casually read. I am going to go back to reading it over the weekend when I feel fresher.

We have a teacher Penelope visiting the school this week in a role as a moderator.
This is for an independent person to assess how the students are going and address any issues any student is having. Really just a fresh set of eyes etc.

I had a lesson (one-on-one) with her today and I must say it was excellent!
We discussed inhibition and what this means in practice.
Interestingly she shared how she had come from a family background similar to mine, she was oldest child and always had to fight to be heard.
She noticed early into the lesson that when I was speaking and also recalling something then my eyes sort of drifted off into nowhere and more importantly I immediately pulled down.
This was a very interesting revelation for me as I knew over the years that I consistently found myself in actual physical pain and also very tired after I spoke for any longer length of time.
We worked on practicing on keeping myself present when speaking and recalling and I noticed a huge difference. I was talking for a length of time and I actually felt quite free and fresh and no pain. Very cool! I could have left for the day right then and there and would have been very happy.

We then had our book discussion time. This was interesting.

After break we then had a group session with Jenny and we did a little practice putting hands on each others heads while the other person was lying on the table.
This also was interesting.

I did also during the day get a few minutes of time with Michael (eyebody fan), this was cut short as my turn came up.

I have been reading and experimenting more with Peter Grunwalds book. www.eyebody.com
I am finding this also very interesting and noticing some release in different parts of my body as I think about different parts of my eyes.
As my eyes were the first part of my body that I am aware of that started to go wrong then I have a feeling that any work here could be quite transformative for me.

I have a job interview tomorrow for a part-time job to help support my studies. I am confident but we will see.

Yoga Stretches help me out of a hole

I went for a walk/jog for 20 minutes on Sunday as I did last Sunday also.
I am not 100% sure whether these are a good idea as yet.
I also did some walking in the city on Sunday afternoon and this left me feeling very tired by the end of Sunday.

Woke up Monday feeling really tired and sore.
I had a lesson with David which left me feeling quite improved.
I then was a "pretend student" for another student while she was getting some teaching from another teacher.
This also helped.

We then did some yoga.
A combination of
Muslim prayer
Hands on back of chair/Monkey and then moving the chair forward
Muslim prayer with right and then left arm pulled through stretch
Lastly, lay on stomach and allow leg to twist back stretch.

These all really helped.
I am going to try these at home, which I did and they helped a lot.

Inhibition

I also learnt this week that an excellent book on describing inhibition is Missy Vineyards Book "How you stand, how you move, how you live" which I have a copy of!!
I plan to start practicing this more. Inhibition.

Friday is a day where I do not have school.
These days can be a mixture of feeling good or more likely than not, feeling quite tired and sore.
Today was a sore one and a tired one.
I decided to just simply accept that I am feeling the way I am and not try and deny it.
A lot of tension and suffering can come from denying something that is true.
I imagine the mind just goes, "I do not understand" .
We are asking it to do something which does not make sense.
Internal conflict = tension.

It did help.

I did some semi-supine (finally), I do not know why I take so long to get the hint...do what you know works. I felt that I released quite a bit, which was just lovely.

Performance day with an additional amazing experience

I went to watch the soccer last night, and felt pretty tight and sore even before I left.
I experimented with the "use 5% of your mind to give the directions" idea and I must say I think it worked! I feel normally if I started a day or outing (in this case) feeling this tight then more than likely I would have ended up feeling very compacted by the end of the time. But I was actually feeling better. Less tight and sore. I was actually enjoying walking around the stadium a lot more than I normally would.

Well today was "performance day".
Every Thursday is usually a day related to performance, whether this be singing, public speaking or similar.
On many days we also have what is called "quick eze", where students walk around the room and stop near a wandering teacher who will give you a quick turn (usually standing, hands on head and neck). This usually goes for about 10-15 minutes, a great start to the day.
I had a turn with David who is the director of the school.
I felt really sickly today so I let 2 people take my turn before me so I could rest and be ok for my turn.
This did the trick.
David did his thing and we also did hand on back of chair which seemed to give me even more length. I felt heaps better after this lesson.

We then did a group lesson where we experimented with laying on our stomach and lifting our heads while doing a whispered ah. I allowed myself to breath a little before starting (while laying on my stomach) and I felt my upper back release which was just lovely.

There was some additional time in the day for some turns that did not get done in the morning. I asked Michael, a fellow student (I think 3rd year) who has now attended 2-3 of Peter Grunwald's courses (Author of Eyebody) www.eyebody.com , to give me some lessons when he wants to.
I have been reading Peter Grunwald's book which I borrowed from the school library. I do have quite strong glasses and I am sure work on my eyes this will help me overall also.
He very kindly gave me a lesson today.
He seems to have quite a gift. He simply placed his fingers on my head at a couple of different spots and I almost immediately began to feel some effect. My pain/tension pattern felt like it was being lightly massaged. He showed my some pictures of how the eyes work.
It is very relaxing having some table time with Michael. He has a very calming nature about him.

Our performance session was interesting. Bronwyn (teacher) took us in a public speaking experiment. We practices speaking as if talking one-on-one then as if we were in a room of 50 or more people. We then changed our thinking , eg give the directions, allow the voice to flow out of our whole faces not just our mouths etc and this allowed us to see patterns of tension that we were doing.

I had a chat with my teachers from Tasmania tonight, Alex and David Jordan. I was impressed to see that they now have a website www.bodyschool.com.au
They had some advice for me:
It is important to allow some time for inhibition before you direct.
It is also important to accept where you are at the moment, even if you are with pain.
It was suggested that I experiment with when I find myself in pain to try not inhibiting and then next time try inhibiting first.
Also the process of the technique is to allow, not force.

A full day

Anatomy with visit from children.

Today started as usual with turns with teachers.
I put my name under Anne who is also our Anatomy teacher.
She has a no-nonsense and direct style which I must admit I really appreciate.
It has the effect of clearing up possible misunderstandings and making things a bit clearer.
In my turn, we did sitting and standing but I gained clearer understanding on some things.
When I was coming down to sit, she asked me to let go in my knees, and she noticed that as soon as I did this my attention moved totally down to my knees and left my directions (head forward and up etc). She also mentioned that my directions when I am giving them are going very well, which again I really appreciated.
I made the comment that one needs to be able to think of 2 things at once.
She mentioned that when looking at the idea of giving directions, it may be helpful to look at it like you have the directions using say 5% of your mind or awareness and then you use the rest to do what you wish to do, in this case sit down (or let go of my knees etc).
So the primary directions are like a background thought that you have as much as possible in whatever you do.
I did some practicing of this during the day outside of school and I must say I think I am starting to get the hang of this. My confidence in my ability to give the directions effectively is becoming stronger which is fantastic and giving me a greater sense of control.

We then had 3 young children (babies) visit the school to help us see in real life the reflexes that Anne had told us about before.
This was amazing to see. A 2 month old baby was watching what was going on in the room, the whole time she had a beautiful integrity of her head/neck and back. Even when she was looking up she was doing this from the top of her neck. We were able to see a lot of the reflexes in these children.

I have been feeling a bit sore today, but I can feel that by giving directions I am more and more able to release this.

Inhibition and Direction

Today was "book day", every Tuesday is a day where we get into a group to discuss a chapter that we were asked to read.
This week the chapter was Chapter 10 of "The Use of the Self" , "The Stutterer"

Firstly though we had "turns" where we put our name under a teacher and get a 15-20 minute lesson with this teacher.
I chose Will a teacher whom I had worked with a bit over my time at the school so far.
He has a great encouraging style which I find very helpful.
We did some chair work, practicing getting into and out of a chair.
I had noticed that I keep falling a little before I start to stand when coming out of the chair.
The big thing I learnt today was that it is important to keep directing through the whole movement and also when coming down agin, in this case into sitting.
This was something which I am very sure I had been told before but I was reminded again today.
We then did some more work with me on all fours again, I found this to be very helpful again, I feel that I am getting a little more length in my spine each time I do this.
We then did some table work, where Will was able to help me get more length especially in my hips and legs.

We then did a group lesson with Jenny , one of the Directors of the school , with the group made up of the newer members of the school.
I find Jenny to be excellent especially in being able to clarify concepts that seem toughespecially to the new student.
We did some work in pairs with the theme being similar to what today's chapter was all about.
We put hands on each other to see if we could notice in the other persons body a difference between when they lifted their arm when they did not consciously direct and then when they did.
It certainly felt a lot lighter and freer when the person was directing.
We then had a short discussion on how the process needs to be inhibiting and directing.

Later on we had the book group on the chapter I mentioned previously.
We had this with Mat who is a qualified teacher who visits the school to help.
I find him to be excellent, especially for me as he has come from a chronic pain background like me.
We all discussed what we got out of the chapter.
There was also some discussion how if you have a pain issue you need to ensure that you are not using the pain as a short term motivator to inhibit and direct, as this can create a vicious cycle and dependence on using the feeling as a guide too much. (hard to explain this adequately)
I got a lot out of this as I certainly do this a lot.
Another very important point made is that this is a longer and constant process. One needs to persistently work at it and allow for it to have an effect over the long term.

Todays lesson.

I started off with a quick lesson with a almost qualified student who suggested I try an "all fours" experiment. I was to allow my body to rock forwards and backwards, all the time allowing the body to move forward or back by allowing more space. I have been really focussing on the fact that I have a tendancy to tighten my lower back or tilt my pelvis back when I move. I have started to learn to direct out of this and this I believe started me on a whole new change, which is both exciting and tiring.
We did an experiment with one of the teachers where we experimented with what is called "monkey".
Before we got onto this though we did the "scary" in my view thought of directing down...oh my god, was my reaction internally. It felt very wrong to do this as the opposite is exactly what we want.
But I must say it was very interesting. I could really feel the difference between the sensations of directing up and down. It gave me a renewed confidence in the power of the directions.
We then did a yoga session(with a complete emphasis on directing while doing it) . I am really beginning to enjoy these more.
Came home feeling pleased but quite tired out..normal day then.

My Journey through the Alexander Technique

Hi and welcome to my blog.
I am learning the Alexander Technique to overcome a chronic pain condition which I suspect has been ailing me almost my whole life.
I have tried so many things, physio, massage, bowen therapy, cranio-sacral therapy, reiki, energy work.
The Alexander Technique is the only thing which I have found that is slowly but surely improving my situation.
I start this blog being in my second term of study at the School of F.M Alexander Studies in Melbourne Victoria, Australia.
It is an amazing journey, and I must admit a lot more tiring than I thought, which I am assured is quite normal for the first year at least.